8th August, 2012
NO MATTER whether we believe human beings are basically “bisexual”, meaning we possess within us both the male and female entities.
Or whether we buy the fairy tale that we tend to yearn for our other halves our whole life, or whether we believe two people in love are after all, a complement, a match or even coordination.
The one person who likes or to put it simply, who lives to rely on another person or who can live her life only if there is someone for her to depend on, will fall for a person who likes to have people relaying or depending on him; someone who is born with qualities that the rest of us who are in the habit of depending on other people, to rely on.
Vice versa, someone who is perpetually dependable will fall for someone who is needy and wishes to depend on another person for her/his every whim and fancy.
To be exceedingly dependent may not be a good thing, unless we are babies.
A child who is too dependent worries us, while an adult who depends too much on others is considered immature, or worse, someone who can’t function by himself/herself.
But then, once we are grown up, we realize that the one person we can rely on is wholly ourselves, we hope we can rely on other people, even if it’s only to use them, take advantage of them or blame them both the negative or positive ways.
Love is a form of dependency, since subconsciously we wish to become another person’s child.
Being a child means we expect to be showered with warmth, care, food and love.
These are good things we crave for in our life time. Whenever necessary we wish to be fed and hugged.
When your other half says, You’re too dependent on me! I can’t take it anymore!
That tells you he is not the one who is your other half which had been split. You would need to start searching for the one who truly is again. Some people do spend their whole life on it.
If, forlorn, your other half says to you, Why does it seem you don’t need me anymore? What he means is that he can’t feel you are depending on him.
When that happens, it indicates that the love between you is not complete. He has become the one who depends on you to depend on him, something you might not have done.
You prefer a more independent other half. But if he is too independent to want to fall back on you, you would have to make up the warmth, care, affection, love and food yourselves. That way, what else are left in your supposedly love affair, when by right all love relationships are a two-way traffic?
We understand that suitable or reasonable dependency is a form of trust and closeness. To want to respond to this kind of dependency indicates love.
The only snag is that we often are not accurate or certain in determining the degree of this dependency.
When too light, the other side will not have security. Too heavy would mean it’s our turn to feel insecure.
How heavy is this dependency can be seen or considered as not too heavy, so that we could control or adjust it ourselves without any qualms? There must be some time or the other when we can safely say, we depend on one another. The safest bet, I should think.